Boys.
It comes around every year.
It's a faff. It's a minefield.
It always gets you in trouble.
Best to just ignore it, eh?
Girls.
Dreaded from the start of February.
Has he planned something? Should I?
What are the post-feminist implications of how I feel about this??
Restraunteurs.
Excellent.
Let's re-name our menus, re-stock only the most expensive wines on the list and watch the suckers fall out of love under a canopy of heart shaped piñatas which we shall burst open onto their heads as they break up over their deserts.
Hah!
Ok so Valentines isn't such a big deal in the UK. We love to mock our cousins across the pond for taking it so seriously. "Oh it's all a big corporate ruse" we sigh, whilst burying our faces in discounted Valentines chocolate and pretending we're not remotely envious of the one girl in the office who got sent a massive bouquet to her desk. Meanwhile, said girl is looking around in bewilderment and alarm, trying to work out whether Steve from IT is giving her knowing looks or not.
Our general British cynicism complicates things more than it does for Stateside V Day enthusiasts because we don't have a clear set of foolproof instructions for how to behave unless we're in a relationship and have learnt already through trial and error. Personally, I've had some pretty hilarious (god awful) Valentines days. As per any situation that brings any expectations with it, the night is doomed.
But it doesn't have to be this way... Here are some easy to follow rules to navigating Valentines no matter what stage of life or love you're at.
Or you could solve the problem in advance of feeling sorry for yourself on the night, but not so far in advance that it puts any pressure on the 14th itself. The Book Club in Shoreditch runs a series of speed dating events that are genuinely filled with fun, young singles. Last Night A Speed Date Changed My Life was a real hit last year and the same organisers are back now on the 11th of Feb with the even-less-committal "Meet and Mingle". Tickets are £5 in advance and they fill boy and girl quotas so you're guaranteed to find yourself in an equally weighted room. The location of The Book Club - on the edge of the City, but comfortably within Shoreditch means that only City types with know-how will have made it this far from Tiger Tiger and they'll be peppering a sea of trendier bods. I don't know about you, but I think that's the perfect combination.
For boyfriends:
Their bras are a simlar shape to this Myla Best Seller.
If she usually wears a softer cup, then go with Chantelle. This set comes in lots of different colours and has briefs not a thong, but they're see-through anyway so I think you won't mind ;-)
For girlfriends:
It comes around every year.
It's a faff. It's a minefield.
It always gets you in trouble.
Best to just ignore it, eh?
Girls.
Dreaded from the start of February.
Has he planned something? Should I?
What are the post-feminist implications of how I feel about this??
Restraunteurs.
Excellent.
Let's re-name our menus, re-stock only the most expensive wines on the list and watch the suckers fall out of love under a canopy of heart shaped piñatas which we shall burst open onto their heads as they break up over their deserts.
Hah!
Ok so Valentines isn't such a big deal in the UK. We love to mock our cousins across the pond for taking it so seriously. "Oh it's all a big corporate ruse" we sigh, whilst burying our faces in discounted Valentines chocolate and pretending we're not remotely envious of the one girl in the office who got sent a massive bouquet to her desk. Meanwhile, said girl is looking around in bewilderment and alarm, trying to work out whether Steve from IT is giving her knowing looks or not.
Our general British cynicism complicates things more than it does for Stateside V Day enthusiasts because we don't have a clear set of foolproof instructions for how to behave unless we're in a relationship and have learnt already through trial and error. Personally, I've had some pretty hilarious (god awful) Valentines days. As per any situation that brings any expectations with it, the night is doomed.
But it doesn't have to be this way... Here are some easy to follow rules to navigating Valentines no matter what stage of life or love you're at.
For singles:
The way I see it, you have two options here. One is clearly to take your Netflix and Love Film trials simultaneously and watch as many old, bad Rom Coms as you can, whilst tucked up in a new fluffy set of PJs you bought yourself and a box of Hotel Chocolat.
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| Love yourself, love bed |
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| Ponies are better than boys anyway |
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| Classic |
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| It's over (literally) |
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| No sharing |
Or you could solve the problem in advance of feeling sorry for yourself on the night, but not so far in advance that it puts any pressure on the 14th itself. The Book Club in Shoreditch runs a series of speed dating events that are genuinely filled with fun, young singles. Last Night A Speed Date Changed My Life was a real hit last year and the same organisers are back now on the 11th of Feb with the even-less-committal "Meet and Mingle". Tickets are £5 in advance and they fill boy and girl quotas so you're guaranteed to find yourself in an equally weighted room. The location of The Book Club - on the edge of the City, but comfortably within Shoreditch means that only City types with know-how will have made it this far from Tiger Tiger and they'll be peppering a sea of trendier bods. I don't know about you, but I think that's the perfect combination.
 |
| Image courtesy of Last Night A Speed Date Changed My Life: Taken at The Book Club |
For daters (boys):
So you've been seeing her for a while. Nothing's official, you've kind-of done the dinner thing, but really you just met up for drinks and then got hungry so you waited until it was late enough to pop into a no reservations joint to share a meal. The 14th of February is approaching and you've not asked her out - what to do?
If you're not that into her: Sometimes it's easy to forget that how you feel should play a stake in what you do. Just because it's Valentines doesn't oblige you to get all hearts and flowers if you don't mean it. If you don't want to hang out, it's not fair to leave her hanging. Say something (anything) in advance. If you leave it to the day it'll become a 'thing'. Let her know directly or indirectly that you're busy that night. "So I'm not that into Valentines...or you" or "Er, by the way I'm spending next Thursday (14th) in playing X Box. Just sayin'" are erring on the harsh side, so if you want to continue dating but without having to take it to the next level then perhaps have a real reason. For all you know, she's inundated with date requests but has been waiting to see if you ask her.
If you are into her but find the idea of making that a reality through the cringe-worthy institution of Valentines Day, fair enough. Ask her to do something, but don't go anywhere where the date will be shoved in your face every 5 minutes. A no reservations restaurant will set you in good stead to not have to make a fuss, though you will have to get there hideously early to make it work. Try The Chicken Shop, Bubbledogs, Flat Iron, Pattie and Bun, Koya, Bone Daddys if you want to go this route.
Otherwise, I cannot recommend eating in enough. You can make an effort with minimal time involvement by cooking a steak and pre-buying desert - the act of cooking for someone is romantic and caring and in the environment of your own home you won't need to see a single heart or flower but the effort will have been made. If you fancy this approach, I'd recommend my steak and blue cheese rostie recipe (here) followed by either pre-bought or home made Gu pots.
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| Romance in meat form |
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| Sealing the deal |
For daters (girls):
Keep your options open... that's all I'm saying. There's no point in holding out for the guy who waits until the day to ask you out, when you could be missing out on a pre-planned piece of chivalry. Yeah, yeah I know we're all independent ladies these days, but these moments are few and far between so I personally insist on having my cake and eating it too. If you feel like me about the day, you can look to it's patron saint St. Valentine for justification: he was after all the saint of courtly love so it's only fair to honour him with a little ceremony...
Oh and it's a great excuse to buy a new dress. I usually opt for an LBD - comfort and flattery in one.
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| Plunge back £35 |
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| Plunge front £30 |
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| Tunic dress £28 |
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| Sweetheart dress £38 |
For boyfriends:
You don't have to go crazy and book The Fat Duck 2 years in advance, nor do you have to jet off to Monaco for the weekend or arrive laden with diamonds. Flowers are cliche and cumbersome - I'd advise against them unless you really know she's a flowers kind of gal. Also, men take note, white lilies are for funerals and Carnations are functional - they are not "like Roses but more frilly".
All it takes to 'win' is a little advance notice that you've got the evening covered, a reservation at the cute little Italian down the road or, better yet in your own kitchen and for extra points: some lingerie (at least there's something in it for you too). Bear in mind that it's the thought that counts, so please don't buy anything from the side of the road - let alone flowers, chocolates from Tesco or lingerie from Primark... it's better to turn up empty handed.
For a full on guide to buying lingerie for your lady, read this excellent Mr Porter article. The basic rule of thumb is this: Find out her size (her bra size will be helpfully written on the inside of her bras - so assuming you have at least some access, you should be fine). For bottoms, don't buy too small - the greatest sin of the male lingerie buyer is to buy teeny tiny pieces of floss that are to ass what wire is to cheese. It hurts fellas - don't go there.
Elle Macphearson does great shapes that flatter all figures:
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| Brazilian thong: £21 |
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| Balconette bra |
Their bras are a simlar shape to this Myla Best Seller.
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| The 'Nicole' |
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| Brief briefs |
If she usually wears a softer cup, then go with Chantelle. This set comes in lots of different colours and has briefs not a thong, but they're see-through anyway so I think you won't mind ;-)
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| My go-to lingerie set |
For girlfriends:
Resentment is not constructive: "Oh, he probably won't even know it's hit him until the 14th and then he'll either suggest Pizza express or will pretend it's not happening." *Sigh*... Sound familiar? Whilst it can be frustrating to feel a little sidelined, it's better to make sure you have a nice evening than set him up for a fall. If no mention has been made of Valentines by now, you've either got yourself that very breed of man who not only plans things in advance AND is also romantic enough to want to surprise you on the night... Or not, in which case I'd suggest taking matters into your own hands.
Decide which no reservation restaurants or sweet local Italian equivalent to suggest, tell him that it would be nice to go out for a meal, don a nice LBD and head down there hand in hand ready to go dutch. Or, if you'd rather a special and romantic night in, then plan to cook something yourself. Let him know that you're doing it, so that he at least gets the hint to bring a nice bottle. Either way, try not to guilt trip, cajole or berate your boy into doing something he'll resent later - remember it works much better when they think they had the idea in the first place ;-)
My last piece of advice to make sure you it all goes smoothly is to appreciate what you've got, whether that's your self, some nice PJ's, your best friend, a whole load of date possibilities, "the one" or a giant white teddy bear wearing a scarf. Occasions can easily become pressure cookers before you know it and in our competitive Facebook-crazy society, we've got a tendency to measure our own experience against others' - it's who you're with and how they make you feel not what their means are that count.
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